My Disability Drove Me Toward Suicide. Then, God Moved.
Faith, 18, Alaska, USA
I was born in South Korea, but at five months old, I was adopted by a family in Alaska. A few months later, I was diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury. The physical effects are similar to the effects of a stroke: I have very little control over the right side of my body, so I move differently. I also struggle to pronounce some sounds and words. But despite the difficulties, I grew up happy and full of laughter. I always had a strong sense that God had a plan and purpose for my life. I trusted that He would use me, just in a different way.
But once I entered high school, my faith wavered. I was left out, left behind, mocked, and betrayed so many times that my heart hardened. The emotional and physical pain was overwhelming — and the more I suffered, the angrier I got. Quite honestly, I thought that God was cruel. I couldn’t see a future, I couldn’t see a purpose, and I certainly didn’t feel any hope. With time, I became depressed and began battling suicidal thoughts.
But when I turned 16, God brought me back to Him. One day, I opened up my Bible to Psalms 139:13-14, which reads, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” As I read this, I realized that my pain was not going unseen or unheard. God had been with me since the very beginning! My life wasn’t by chance or a mistake — all of it, even my pain, was a part of a bigger plan that I could not see. Through me, God was revealing His glory!
Finally, I let Him have the pen and I trusted Him to write my story. With that surrender came so much freedom, as well as the joy that had been missing. Hard days still come, but God is stronger than any fear, doubt, or trial I ever face. I never walk alone! With every step, God is right there, guiding me and holding my hand. As believers, we can trust that no matter what comes, we can trust in Him. God isn’t just good, He’s PERFECT! So, trust in His plan for your life…whatever He has for you will be a thousand times better than anything you’ve planned for yourself.