Blinded by a False Identity, I Used My Prophetic Gift for Evil. Then, God Moved.

I always knew about Christ. Looking back, I see that my life confirms the truth of Proverbs 22:6: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” I gained a solid faith foundation in the church, so when I began writing poetry and lyrics at age 11, God made sure that I knew this gift was from Him. I remember writing in my journal, “You’re going to change lives with the art of rhyme.” Even though I wasn’t close to the Lord, I still had this spiritual, supernatural knowledge that He was going to use my gift in a mighty way. 

As I aged, writing became not only a means of talking to God, but also of expressing emotions that I felt no one understood or cared to hear. Most often, this involved my feelings of rejection. I was so insecure then. No matter how hard I tried to fit in, I always felt different. On top of that, many of the friends I did have turned out to be fake. They gossiped about me, mocked my writing and my dreams. The enemy whispered through these people — and I listened. I began to believe that there was nothing special about me; I was not talented or gifted, let alone anointed. 

With a crushed spirit, I put my pen down. I put off who God told me I was and fell into a false identity that I created for myself. I tried my best to be like everyone around me; I drank, smoked weed, and began using my gift to discuss the things of the world. I called out to God only when I needed Him and as soon as my situation improved, I went right back to doing my own thing. 

The shift began in 2015, when I quit my job. I’d been working at a hardware store, where I’d been promised a promotion. With time, I realized that I would never advance; so, I left. Jobless with no savings, I spent my days in a marijuana daze. I was lost, broken, and lonely. Everything had been stripped from me, including any remaining sense of purpose. At my lowest point, I finally cried out to God. He answered. I heard His voice for the very first time and He revealed Himself in a way I’d never before experienced. Whereas I previously only knew about God, I was beginning to understand His heart and His character. It’s hard to put into words, but it’s like I suddenly woke up and remembered who He said I was. And this time, I believed Him.

God’s light gradually illuminated the darkest corners of my life, revealing all of the dirt and junk that I didn’t even know was there. Once I recognized the broken, rotten state of my heart, I handed it to Him — and as the Lord promises in Ezekiel 36:26, He took my soiled heart and gave me a new one. I started writing again, but this time, it became a collaboration with God. 

Scripture, which is now alive in my life, is the basis of all that I do. When I sit down to write, God speaks; He drops the right words straight into my spirit. My writing is a prophetic gift; this has been confirmed time and time again. At one point, God spoke to my heart clear as day. He said, “Many people will reap the fruit of your tree.” Sure enough, many of my listeners have expressed just that. The Lord is using this gift to share His truth with the world — and I will not be silenced again.

Had I known who the Lord was, I would never have wasted years searching for identity and satisfaction elsewhere. But, I didn’t know…and I fear that many don’t. Readers, we have to get to know God. And we can do this the same way we get to know anybody else. Set aside what you’ve been told about the Lord and find out straight from the source. Ask Him questions. Read His word. Confide in Him. Seek to know His heart. 

Knowing the Lord — personally and intimately — is key to the life of a believer. As Christians, we can say we’re children of God, but it’s only through knowing who our Father is that we can truly understand who we are.

“Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.” (Jeremiah 9:23-24)