I Met Christ 2 Weeks Ago, On the Night I Planned to Kill Myself

I started following Christ two weeks ago, on the night I planned to kill myself. The past few years were rough; I have depression and bipolar disorder and I’d been using boys, partying, and other things to cope. I caused problems at school and at home. I was very, very troubled. 

Then, last fall, a pastor passed out church flyers at my school. Something made me hold onto that flyer. I saw that there was a striking difference between myself and the people I knew who named Christ as their Lord. I was empty, but they were very obviously whole. After 2 months of thinking about it, I decided to visit. 

That first visit turned into a few. I got to know some of the members and promised that I would attend their upcoming Christmas play. But, the day of the play, my mental health was at an all-time low — so low that I began planning my suicide. I wanted to do it that night, but I decided to go to the play first, since I’d promised. 

The play’s plot centered around a couple grappling with the tragic loss of their child. Throughout the play, the mourning couple turns to God for assistance. Again and again, He delivers. I left the theatre with a clear message heavy on my heart: if I put my trust in Christ, He would save me and keep me. I felt deep in my spirit that it was true, so I leaned into it. As soon as I surrendered, I felt an immense weight fall off of me and the Holy Spirit entered me. I was born again four days before Christmas.

The suicidal urge that I so clearly felt just two weeks ago is gone. It’s been replaced with a genuine, lasting peace. The Lord has renewed my interests, too. I have no desire to party or entertain drama. These shifts are already affecting some of my friendships, but the Lord has been faithful in giving me a community of believers.

My new life in Christ is already so much better than the shell of a life I lived before. The sex and the parties are fun in the moment, but the good feeling never lasts. The things of this world don’t deliver…they leave us empty. On the contrary, God’s love is everlasting; His goodness never, ever expires. 

“But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:14)